


i've been losing you one day at a time

by deino (aseaofsound)



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Ultra Sun & Ultra Moon | Pokemon Ultra Sun & Ultra Moon Versions
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Flashbacks, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 18:04:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13440270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aseaofsound/pseuds/deino
Summary: “Are you sure? About leaving things like that?”Lusamine opens her mouth to speak, but words escape her.





	i've been losing you one day at a time

****“Are you sure? About leaving things like that?”

Yes, no, maybe.

Yes, no, maybe.

Yes, no, maybe.

Lusamine opens her mouth to speak, but words escape her.

Those three words repeat themselves on an endless loop in her head, and she doesn’t check to see if Gladion stays to hear her answer. _Yes_ , she wants to say, because it is better that way, better for all of them, especially for Mohn himself. But she has always been selfish, this they all know, and some wounds will never heal.

So she says, “No,” and follows the man with the sun kissed skin and unruly golden hair. When Mohn turns back and smiles at her in askance, she does what she can to still her rapidly beating heart. “Actually, would you mind if I accompanied you on your tour? It’s been some time since I did my rounds.”

It comes out easily, like most lies do, and Mohn is none the wiser.

“Yes, of course! I’d love the opportunity to discuss more about Pokemon care and conservation with you as well,” he says. He smiles in that familiar way that makes it impossible for her not to smile back at him, then and now. With a sweeping gesture, he steps to the side. “After you, Madam President.”

“Thank you. And...”

“Yes?”

She collects herself, smoothing out her skirts and settling her feet in her heels, before she offers her hand for him to shake. The feeling of his hand in hers is so utterly natural that she almost forgets herself, loses herself in late nights on this very island, his smile against her neck and her heart in his hands.

But time is nothing if not cruel, so Lusamine steels herself from getting lost in the memory and clears her throat. “It’s Lusamine.”

“Lusamine.” She blushes like a lovestruck teenager, even— _especially_ after all these years, but her smile remains tight-lipped and distant. “That’s lovely,” he replies easily, genuinely, and it takes everything for her not pull him into her arms, or cry. But then he lets go and her hand drops to rest on her hip. “Shall we?”

“Yes, of course.”

Before they step on the elevator, Lusamine glances back, just a subtle glance over her shoulder toward Gladion, yet Mohn notices all the same. Even now, details never escape him, and even she could never hide from his knowing gaze.

She sees Gladion tense, a scowl ever present on his face, and his shoulders awkwardly hunch when Mohn looks in his direction. Once upon a time she might’ve reprimanded him for his poor posture, smoothed out the wrinkle in his brow, though that time has passed.

Memories come back to her in fragments as if shattered—Gladion reaching for her with small dimpled hands from Wicke’s arms, Gladion losing his first tooth, Gladion hugging her round the middle after she returned from some business venture abroad. Gladion running away from the Paradise, from her, and then after that she remembers nothing but her own empty rage.

In the present he slips back into the shadows leading to the estate and out of sight, and Lusamine’s fingers itch with the need to protect, to shelter him, even if there is nothing she can do anymore. She’s done enough damage to him, to them all, so she grits her teeth and folds her hands in front of her.

“Your brother?” Mohn asks, and the question, so innocuous, nonetheless makes her breath hitch in her throat. They are plunged into darkness as the elevator rises, and for that she is thankful.

“No, actually.” She chuckles; it feels like swallowing needles, all of this tiptoeing, all of this restraint. _We are the same age, you and I_. “My son.”

 _Our_ son. _Your_ son. Named after his father’s favorite flowers, the gladiolus that blooms in spring, with the pretty petals and long stems, the name that means sword lily. Mohn used to carry him on his shoulders, ruffle his hair and get their hands dirty in mud pies, and she’d have to scold both of them for getting footprints and handprints all over the white surfaces. He taught Gladion about the universe, about the wonders of science and the moon and stars. But never about how cruel it could all be, because how could Mohn have known? How could any of them?

But of course she says none of this, and puts on a smile for him all the same. 

 

⎏

 

Sometimes she sees him in the darkened hallways of the Paradise at night, a ghost in almost every sense of the word, sometimes in her dreams and nightmares. But always in Gladion and Lillie.

 

⎏

 

_Nighttime finds her restless as it often does as of late, and Lusamine wanders the conservatory to swallow herself in the soft lull, occasionally reaching her fingers in to test the water temperature or feeling the leaves to check hydration levels. Most of the Pokémon sleep peacefully, while the night dwellers scurry and watch her go by. She turns a sharp corner and stops abruptly, and all she can think is thank the stars I’m not wearing heels, because otherwise Gladion might have heard her stumble._

_He stands with his back to her, hand on his Silvally’s flank, watching the stars through the glass dome ceiling. Gladion is only fourteen, so young and yet so world weary. Still, he was willing to sacrifice everything to go into the wormhole and fight Necrozma, all for a world that had never been kind to him, and Lusamine can’t help but think on that._

_She opens her mouth to say something, anything, but falters. For now, she’s content with what he’s given her, and returns to her empty estate._

 

⎏

 

_“What will you do now?”_

_He was gone a year, and these are the words she utters when she sees him again._

_Gladion shrugs noncommittally, and she watches his expression as the wind shifts and blows his bangs every which way. He squints in the darkness and shields his eyes from his hair, and for all her negligence and selfishness, she can still read him like a book. It is almost comical how alike they are, and Lusamine would laugh if she were one for japes, but it’s been a long time now since laughter was a word she knew._

_“Challenge the Champion. See what else I can do to become stronger,” he says. His voice is deeper, less boyish than it was before he left._

_It is quiet as they watch the blinking lights of Akala Island in the distance._

_“And if you defeat her?”_

_He smirks, as if he can’t help it. “I wouldn’t bet on it.”_

_Lusamine nods, though she can’t imagine what use strength is, what good it can do, if all the strength and money and power and influence she has in her palms wasn’t enough to protect her family._

_“Perhaps I will challenge the League, as well.”_

_But she is willing to learn, nonetheless, what a child has that she lacks._

 

⎏

 

_If Gladion can teach her to let go, then Lillie can teach her to believe in new beginnings._

_Lillie is more forgiving than Gladion, and it’s not like Lusamine blames him, not like she has a right to. But she thanks whatever lucky stars are out there (not many, perhaps, but the stars always loved Lillie if that Cosmog’s attachment to her was of any indication) that Lillie is more forthcoming, her visits to the Paradise more frequent. She believes so wholeheartedly in kindness, in looking after others, in the all-healing power of love._

_And Lillie might have Lusamine’s eyes, her nose, her mouth, but her attitude and her smile is all Mohn, all sunshine and dimples and daylight. So she takes whatever Lillie gives her and gives Lillie what she can, even if it is just a simple poké ball containing a Cleffa or the promise of the universe, whenever Lillie is ready._

 

⎏

 

She watches Mohn go, his step less refined than it ever was when he was an astrophysicist, but there are things even the universe cannot and will not explain to her, so she leaves them be. Even if it almost kills her to do so.

But there are worse things than this, and in all those parallel universes she glimpsed in Ultra Space, perhaps there exists a world where she never got to see Mohn again at all, a world where they are all worse off. Even if it does not make her feel any better to watch him leave than it did to have discovered him vanished.

Gladion moves to stand beside her at the entrance to the Paradise. He is almost as tall as she is now, without heels. Time, it seems, moves about her, instead of with her.

They both watch him go. “How is he?”

He isn’t coming back, she thinks. Not _her_ Mohn. Hope is a dangerous, fickle thing, and it’s torn her apart and sealed her wounds a million times over, enough for her to learn how to let hope—let him—go. Nothing is harder, she’s certain.

So she says, “What do _you_ think?”

Gladion glances up at her, looking just as distraught as he did when they first lost Mohn, and he is just seven years old and guileless once more. They are losing Mohn all over again, this Lusamine knows, but she is here now, and she won’t turn her back on Gladion or Lillie any longer.

Her son crosses his arms over his chest, lost in thought. Lusamine waits patiently for his quiet answer. “He seems happy.”

“Yes,” she agrees. “And his smile… It’s quite lovely, don’t you think?”

 

⎏

 

fin.

**Author's Note:**

> that Lusamine Mohn reunion was so fuckin sad yall i just had to write a situation where she does go after him but the outcome is essentially the same. i spent so much time thinking about that scene because what did Gladion want her to say? What would they even do to Mohn to somehow recover his memory? Is that even fair to Mohn in the first place, since he has a new life and doesn't remember them? It's just a really tragic situation with no right answer, so I stuck to the canon. In any case, the way Lusamine was handled in USUM is...super iffy for me. So sticking to canon seemed like the best method for writing this kind of fic.
> 
> I completely disregarded the RR episode for continuity issues. so just pretend that didn't happen lmao
> 
> Also for this fic, I found that writing on Lillie and Lusamine was kind of redundant, since their relationship was explored and developed in SuMo. Hence the small portion for Lillie here.
> 
>  
> 
> The title is taken from the song "Cold Little Heart" by Michael Kiwanuka. It's very ultraspaceshipping imo, or just sad otp music


End file.
